A much better birthday

Several days ago when Jason asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, all that came to mind was sleep.  I want to sleep.  Next he asked me what he could suggest to an inquiring friend as a gift, and all that came to mind was a Starbucks gift card to support me in my caffeine addiction. This has been a looooong year of interrupted sleep.  Well.  Thankfully, my school district, for reasons unknown to me, decided last year that we would start earlier than usual and have a 4 day Labor Day weekend.  That weekend happens to begin today.  On my 34th birthday.  Thank you UPSD for this most precious gift.  The plan was to get Tristan off to his second day of 1st grade, Jason off to his 2nd day at school and Tiernan off to another day at Nanny K's and leave me home.  Alone.  To sleep or whatever my tired heart desires.  And that is how it happened.  We nearly got derailed by another Tiernan surprise yesterday, but no.  I am halfway through my day of rest.  So I thought I would spend some of this day sharing all our wonderful news.

But before I get to the wonderful news, no matter how hard I try, I cannot get away from the memories of  my 33rd birthday.  At this moment 365 days ago, rather than reveling in the bliss of having my beautiful new baby in my arms and my first birthday with my parents in several years, we were all sitting in the Seattle Children's Hospital waiting room.  Wondering how things were going in the operating room down the hall as Tiernan underwent his first open heart surgery at the age of 15 days.  Trying desperately to keep our minds off the worst case scenario by setting up our Caring Bridge website and eating terrible hospital cafeteria food.  My mind today keeps wandering back to that moment when they told us we couldn't go further with him.  The moment when the nurses came out and told us he would likely come out with his chest left open.  The absolutely deafening silence of the room as we went in and saw our sweet baby for the first time.  The knowledge that our 5 year old was in his second day of Kindergarten and I would not be home to welcome him back and hear all about everything.  

I revisit these memories for you all mostly as a comparison.  To today.  365 days later.  So I can remember just how truly blessed I have been in those many days.  Today Tiernan is a legitimate crawler. On all fours.  Like any other baby.  We didn't think that would happen.  Today, that little boy is at Nanny K's house pulling up and cruising all over the place, just like any other 1 year old who is close to walking.  Today, our Wee T is finally drinking from a sippy cup and eating baby food just like other kids.  Right now, he is probably napping...in a pack and play...for more than 20 minutes at a time.  Just like an average child.  And at this moment, he is NOT connected to a feeding tube and pump. Hooray.

SIDESTORY:

We do have to deal with the stupid pump still, and the aggrivations that come alongside that.  For those who don't know, Jason got "Tiernan'ed yesterday.  (to adapt another heart mom friend's phrase)  As J was getting set for his first day of the school year to begin he got a call from Nanny K saying that Tiernan had stood up with his foot on his tube and yanked it out.  So this meant that, for the second year in a row, J had to get a sub to cover his classes and be with Tiernan at the hospital.  THIS time, however, though a massive pain, all we could do was laugh and shake our heads.  And today we are on to GJ tube number 7 in 9 months.    

Tristan is beyond happy to be a 1st grader.  He is not running from his classroom, screaming and crying for his parents who aren't around.  He is sitting in his home school of Edgerton, where he will meet friends who live in his neighborhood.  Perhaps even around the corner.  Friends whose houses he can walk to after dinner in the evenings for 30 minutes of play time.  He is getting to see his mommy or daddy sitting there watching him as he learns "FOCUS AND CONCENTRATION SIR"  at Tae Kwon Do.  He has lost his first 2 teeth within the last week.  He gets to play and be silly with his little brother and not worry about stepping on a tube all the time.  He can READ!  

These are amazing changes in 1 year.  More than I could have dreamed possible.  And although I AM exhausted, and I do survive on high levels of caffeine, I am happy and relatively relaxed today.  I had the privilage of walking my Tristan to school, coffee in hand, sun shining and him chattering away about wanting to be a surgeon for babies with heart problems like Tiernan.  (Tiernan will be his partner in this too, as a sub of sorts.  Stepping in if Tristan is sick.  :) )That experience has never happened before and will probably never happen again, and I am so happy I got to do it on my birthday.  After arriving home, I made a second latte and settled in on the porch to read a book in the sunshine.  After a while I moved inside and read some more.  But then I got tired so I took a nap!  A NAP!!!  I feel so indulged today and I am not doing anything I would have considered extraordinary a year ago.  

So I spend this day being incredibly thankful for how far we have come and that our journey has taught me that I don't need big parties or gifts to have a good birthday.  I just need the chance to take a nap now and then..  =)