So thankful

Nearly 1 year ago on August 19th I gained yet another title.  I have been daughter, sister, friend, wife, teacher, colleague, singer, Mommy, and on that day, I became a "Heart Mom".  My friend and fellow Heart Mom, Dana said near the beginning of my journey that while this is a community that none of us would choose, we take good care of each other.  Or something like that.  At any rate, this has been so true.  In a time when I could have felt very alone and lost, I have gained something unexpected.  A group of friends spanning the globe, (thanks to Facebook) many of whom I have not met and probably never will, but are just as dear to me as those I have met in the area. There is nothing that compares to the unspoken understanding between Heart Moms.  The knowledge and experiences we have are shared  create close bonds immediately.  One of my friends from college (with whom I had lost touch until reconnecting on fb a month earlier)  told me her daughter was born with a large Ventricular Septal Defect 3 years earlier.  She said God surrounds us with others who understand during these times.  He does not leave us alone.  Some may still choose to go it on their own, but why?  I have learned, and will learn, so much from my friends who have gone before me on this journey.  I am so grateful for their experiences and the tricks, advice and thoughts which they pass on to me and others. 

 I have also felt so much comfort in knowing I can do that for others.  When Tiernan had his second surgery I met a couple who were going through all Jason and I had dealt with 4 months prior.  The agony of sitting in the PICU wondering how things are going while your baby was in surgery.  Wondering what their baby would look like when he came out. I was able to share my experiences.  I could bring them in to see Tiernan in those days following his DKS and Glenn. I could pray with them and for them.  I am so thankful not only to be encouraged by others, but also for the opportunities God provides for me to encourage.  It gives me a sense of strength and power to help someone else through those most difficult moments.  

At times all these connections bring overwhelming sadness and fear.  There have been days on fb when several heart babies have lost their fight.  I sometimes feel it would be easier not to know of all those angels.  But there is just another opportunity to support and encourage.  Those days also make me cherish my own heart warrior and my heart healthy child that much more.

Perhaps the most unexpected emotion I have is pride.  I wish Tiernan never had to go through the pain and struggles he has and will continue to experience.  I wish that Tristan didn't have to ever feel fear because his baby brother is in the hospital and his parents are there instead of home.  I wish Jason and I didn't have to work so hard just to have a few moments (let alone hours) alone together on the couch.  But in spite of all these things,  I am proud of my new title of Heart Mom.  I am honored to know the amazing fighters and their families.  I am honored and blessed that God chose me to be Tiernan's protector and comforter, and advocate.  I am proud of all Tiernan has and will overcome. I am proud when strangers stop and ask me about him or comment on how beautiful he is and say there is something special about him; something about his eyes. I am proud that he is going to make a difference in this world by his being here.